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Most of us learn that bruises and bumps are factors in personal growth and development. I remember learning to ride a bicycle. The scrapes and bruises are what I remember more than the feeling of speed and reckless abandon on the old country road. The bruises and bumps were especially hurtful when my priorities were skewed. As farm kids, there was never a lack of chores and work. My desire to ride the bicycle was in definite conflict with the priorities of my parents on occasion.
My husband and I recently bought a toy Pomeranian whom we named Fritz. Needless to say we are in conflict at times. We both agree Fritz needs boundaries. He needs correction and discipline but we don’t want to break his spirit in the process.
Fritz is a pretty clever little pup. We have to remind him he isn’t the king of the home, and there are some power struggles. He is learning that when he’s crossed the line, it’s off to his time-out kennel. Children need a time-out when defiant or disobedient. Adults sometimes find themselves on time-out when God can’t get their attention but can’t figure out what’s going on wrong in their lives. Fritz gets our attention by barking until we figure out what he wants. God has a passionate love for His children and he certainly understood submission.
How Does Conflict Start?
Conflict begins when we don’t get what we want, and the only way to get it is to take it from someone else. This leads to disagreement and can lead to open warfare. Read 2 Sam 15:1-12 which talks about Absalom’s conflict against David. Conflict in the church is a serious matter. It generally begins when two opposing viewpoints are not willing to find common ground.
The following is a recent picture the Lord gave me for a friend who was facing conflicts:
My friend was standing in the middle of a rather large, but older wooden boat. I’m not sure what body of water the boat was in but that’s not significant. The winds were beginning to churn and the water was becoming choppy. There were others in the boat, their oars straining against the wind, which was blowing the boat farther toward the middle of the water. Fear was mounting with the crash of each new wave on the old boat.
“Row toward the North Shore” my friend shouted.
“No” the rowers shouted back, “The North Shore is too far – we’ll never make it; we are going to steer toward the East Shore”
“We must go to the North Shore. The East Shore is dangerous. We may ship wreck; we couldn’t possibly survive the rocks and cold water. ” My friend responded.
“We’re rowing to the East Shore, or we will stop rowing and all die in this storm” the rowers replied.
I believe the Lord was saying to my friend: “I have appointed you captain of this vessel and I will see you safely to the North Shore. Stay the course and steer to the North. Be faithful to me and you will make it safely to the North Shore. There you will find spiritual peace and rest. My power for this time is on the North Shore. My vision for this church is on the North Shore. Head into the wind and I will do the rowing. But you must stay the course.”
It is obvious there was conflict between the rowers and captain. Resolving conflict takes initiative; someone must make the first move. Abram gave Lot first choice of property, putting family peace above personal desires. (Genesis 13:7-9) It took humility on the part of Abram to give Lot the choice property, but to him, solving the conflict was more important that personal victory.
Probably the most difficult thing in the church is to submit to authority, especially when we think we are superior in some way. God has given individual strengths and gifts. But are we to disregard the leadership simply to exalt self and our giftedness? Our vision may not always be in sync, but unless error is being promoted, we are under the authority God has placed over us.
We can’t bury or deny conflicts, but need to take steps to resolve them. In Mathew 18:15-20 Jesus gives this model for dealing with conflicting situations or people: “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the fault. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that two or three witnesses may confirm everything you say. If that person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. If the church decides you are right, but the other person won’t accept it, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. I tell you this: Whatever you prohibit on earth is prohibited in heaven, and whatever you allow on earth is allowed in heaven. I also tell you this: If two of you agree down here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together because they are mine, I am there among them.” Did you notice that the scripture did not say, “If another believer offends you wait for him to come to you?”
Sometimes the best way to deal with conflict is to avoid it. Let’s look at Romans 16:17-20: “And now I make one more appeal, my dear brothers and sisters. Watch out for people who cause divisions and upset people’s faith by teaching things that are contrary to what you have been taught. Stay away from them. Such people are not serving Christ our Lord; they are serving their own personal interests. By smooth talk and glowing words they deceive innocent people. But everyone knows that you are obedient to the Lord. This makes me very happy. I want you to see clearly what is right and to stay innocent of any wrong. The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.” May others see the Character of Christ in our lives.
© 2001 by Lillian Hines
